“Dying is easy. Living is hard.”

In his book Ghosts Among Us, well-known medium James Van Praagh writes, “The spirits with whom I communicate are usually thrilled that they are in the light and would want it no other way. Their biggest regrets have to do with not realizing the truth about life when they were alive on earth. They often comment that, had they known, their lives would have been very different.”

Earthly Limitations

Earth is often described as a school where we come to learn. For spirits, incarnation on the earth plane––taking on the limitations of a physical body––is a huge “demotion” and often a burden. Time (which doesn’t exist in the spirit realm) is one of the challenges we face. On earth, our thoughts and intentions must go through many channels, often over a period of time, before they can manifest, and spirits may chafe at the ordeal. (Consider, for example, the years it often takes architects or authors to bring their ideas to material fruition.)

This limitation has been placed on us so we can learn to manage our thoughts constructively, for as the Law of Attraction teaches, we attract what we think about––our thoughts (eventually) create our reality. In the spirit world, however, this occurs immediately; all you need do is think about something and it happens.

Even having a physical body presents limitations and hardships. We must feed, clothe, shelter, and otherwise care for our physical forms––and that usually means working long hours to earn the money to provide those things. We’re also subject to many ailments and physical challenges that make human existence even more difficult. Much of the fear we experience comes from knowing our bodies can be hurt. But our spirits are eternal and indestructible. If we can reconnect with that truth, our fear will lessen.

Remembering Love and Peace

Earth life may seem harsh, fraught with unkindness, suffering, anger, and violence. However, people who come back from near-death experiences almost always describe visiting a place of profound love, peace, and joy. In one of the video modules in Dr. Piero Calvi-Parisetti’s course Love Knows No Death, individuals who’ve had NDEs describe the bliss of the world beyond. None of them wanted to return to earth, where, as one woman put it, “People are mean.” Often, NDEers say the experience changed their lives. They no longer see the world in the same way and they no longer fear death.

Differences may arise in the Afterlife, but the spirits there resolve problems without violence. That’s because spirits don’t have egos. They understand the interconnectedness of everything––no one is separate from the rest. We need to realize this is true here on earth too. As English poet John Donne put it, “No man is an island.”

I asked my partner, Ron Conroy, who left his physical body in 2013, what’s the most important thing we come to earth to do. He told me our main purpose is to bring some of the light, love, peace, and joy that abound in our true home down to earth and to express them here. Many spiritual teachers have said the same thing, in various ways. That’s our real work. That’s the biggest challenge we face as we go through the struggles of material existence. That’s what we need to remember during good times and bad.

“You don’t have a soul. You are a soul. You have a body.” –– C.S. Lewis

You Don’t Need What You Don’t Have

At first this sentence seems nonsensical, even ludicrous. What if you’re starving and you don’t have any food? What if you’re sick and can’t get the medicine that would heal you? Most of us would probably agree we don’t need a mansion, a yacht, or a sports car––even a TV or cell phone. We may want those things, but can get along without them. But we do need housing, right? Transportation? Money? Friends?

If we consider this idea from the perspective of the physical body, living in a material world, we do need food and water and rudimentary shelter to survive. We may need medicine to cure an illness. But when we consider the idea from the soul’s perspective, another possibility arises. What we think we lack may be exactly what our souls have chosen to do without in order to achieve a purpose. What the body needs for physical well-being may be secondary to what the soul needs for growth. That purpose may be to gain compassion, to help others, to develop skills, to increase our awareness, etc. And, we may not know why we’ve chosen to deprive ourselves of something until we leave our physical bodies.

Choosing Your Lifetimes––and Your Challenges

Many people believe we choose to be born on earth for certain purposes. Earth is often likened to a school where we learn lessons to enhance our souls’ growth. If you’ve undergone past-life regression, had a near-death experience, consulted a psychic, or examined this subject in other ways, you may have some idea why you came here and what you hope to accomplish during this lifetime.

If you accept that you’ve chosen this particular path this time around, then you realize you’ve elected to take on some challenges in order to achieve your objectives. For example, Helen Keller, who lacked sight and hearing, became an inspiration for millions. A man I know who lost his leg has gone on to assist other amputees. One of my soul’s goals, I believe, is to help people who’ve “lost” loved ones to understand their loved ones aren’t dead––they’re alive and well in the spirit world. To learn this, however, I had to suffer the devastating “loss” of the person I loved most so I could empathize with other bereaved people.

Your objective may be more personal. In one of his wonderful books (I can’t remember which one), Dr. Michael Newton writes about someone he regressed who described past lifetimes of indulgence and decadence. This person chose to incarnate as a destitute, homeless woman in order to regain an appreciation for the little things in life, such as having food for a day. People who’ve lived many cloistered lifetimes may choose to be reborn into a secular environment where they must make their own way in a dog-eat-dog world. Those who’ve always been surrounded by family, friends, and community may decide to try out solitary lives. What you perceive as deprivation may be exactly what you need.

Rethinking “Lack”

People often report that what seemed to be the worst thing that could happen to them turned out to be the best thing––and their souls probably planned it that way before they came to earth. Those who’ve undergone near-death experiences frequently say their NDEs transformed their thinking. Even people who’ve suffered physical damage as a result sometimes emerge with unexpected “gifts,” as happened to bestselling author Dannion Brinkley whose NDE revealed psychic powers he never knew he had before.

If you feel you are experiencing some sort of lack in your life––you don’t have something you believe you need––you may want to look at this “absence” in a different way. What have you learned (or could you learn) from being without that thing, whether it’s money, a romantic partner, good health, freedom, appreciation, or something else? If you’ve lost something you cared about, did you gain something as well? Even if you can’t ascertain any obvious benefits, you may be surprised when you transition to the Other Side and discover you really didn’t need what you didn’t have––and in fact, having “it” might actually have prevented you from accomplishing what you set out to do in this incarnation.

Life Review: Examining Your Life from the Spirit World

Soon after we arrive in the “world beyond” and have recuperated from our time on earth, we begin processing what we experienced the last time around as humans. From what I’ve read and been told by my life-partner, Ron Conroy, who left his earth-body in 2013, this “debriefing” period is known as Life Review. 

Meeting with Guides and Teachers

As I understand it, the soul meets with its guides and teachers to examine its most-recent incarnation, in great depth. These teachers and guides (which some sources call the “Council”) don’t judge, condemn, or punish––they serve as supportive and patient councilors, but they don’t let you avoid things you’d rather not deal with. Some books describe these meetings as taking place in a somewhat formal setting, with “elders” seated at a type of table and the newly arrived soul before them (sort of like a courtroom).

However, that’s not what I saw when Ron showed me his own Life Review group. In trance, I observed several guides seated in a circle with Ron. To me, these masters appeared as purple spirits (see my post “What Color Is Your Soul?” for more information) and they seemed to levitate––probably because without physical substance or gravity, entities sort of float in the spirit realm. In the center of the circle, Ron’s teachers/guides presented scenes from his past life, in a manner similar to a hologram.

Revisiting Your Thoughts, Words, and Deeds

During your Life Review sessions, you revisit what you did, thought, felt, said, etc. in the course of your previous lifetime on earth. Not only to you review what happened from your own vantage point, you also experience your life from the perspectives of all the other people involved. You get to see how your actions affected them. If you harmed someone in your last lifetime, you feel that person’s pain. If you gave someone joy or comfort or love, you sense what he or she felt. “It’s hard, and it takes a long time,” Ron told me, “but it’s interesting.”

Perhaps you’ve heard that when you die your whole life flashes before your eyes, instantly. This is often expressed by people who’ve had near-death experiences. Dr. Piero Calvi-Parisetti’s course Love Knows No Death contains a powerful video module in which a number of people who’ve had NDEs discuss this. However, these people were revived and didn’t stay on the Other Side. What they describe is not the same thing as a life review.

As Ron explained it to me, you review your previous incarnation at your own pace––and it takes as long as it takes. “You can start at the end of your life and work back or start at the beginning and move forward, so long as you cover everything. Life Review is mandatory, but doesn’t have any deadlines.” 

Restoring Balance

One of the hardest parts of Life Review is facing up to the suffering you caused others. However, now that the soul is free of ego, it can examine situations objectively, without emotion. By going through this period of discovery, you learn how you can handle things better in the future, how you can be kinder and more loving. You also find ways to make restitution to those you’ve injured. Depending on the “offense,” you may only need to acknowledge what you did or perhaps apologize. In other instances, you might choose to offer greater recompense.

This is not punishment or payback, an eye-for-an-eye and all that. The purpose, as I understand it, is to restore balance and to give love where you caused pain before. It may also be necessary––for your soul’s growth––to experience both sides of a situation. For example, in one of my previous incarnations the entity I knew as Ron in this life was responsible for my death. In this lifetime together, he gave me the power to end his life by taking him off life-support after he suffered a massive stroke.

What you learn in Life Review will influence future lifetimes. Understanding the big picture enables you to choose lives that will further your soul’s purpose, and gives you the wisdom to do a better job next time around.

Choosing Your Death

In the New Testament of the Christian Bible, Matthew 24 warns that no one knows the day or hour of his death. However, some spiritual teachers and researchers who study reincarnation tell us that we choose our lifetimes on earth as well as the conditions of our physical existences. We also choose when and how we depart from earth, to return to our true home in the spirit world.

Going Home

Although many of us fear and dread physical death, everything I’ve witnessed and read indicates that we have nothing to worry about. Brian L. Weiss, MD, in his book Many Lives, Many Masters, writes, “To be in physical state is abnormal. When you are in spiritual state, that is natural to you.” People who’ve had near-death experiences generally say life outside the human body is a whole lot better than it is here on earth. Dr. Piero Calvi-Parisetti’s course Love Knows No Death includes a video module of many people who’ve had NDEs; all described similar and wondrous experiences.

If you’re someone who can communicate with spirits in the nonphysical realm, you’ve likely heard them say they’re happy where they are now. In his book Journey of Souls, Michael Newton, PhD, reports that clients he has regressed through their prior deaths usually say something like: “Oh, wonderful, I’m home in this beautiful place again” or “I’m relieved to be away from Earth.” My long-time partner, Ron Conroy, who left his body in 2013, tells me often how much happier and more peaceful he is now. “What we call the ‘other world’ is the real one,” he explains, “earth is an illusion.”

Leaving Our Lives

Some might interpret this as a reason for suicide, even though some religions insist that suicide is a sin. As I understand it, however, our teachers, guides, and spirits don’t judge or punish us––they welcome everyone, including suicides, back home. But people who decide to end their physical lives early will still have to complete the lessons they skipped out on, during another earthly incarnation.

After his physical death, Ron told me that even if we go quickly (as he did, from a stroke) we’ve actually made the decision much earlier. “We leave in stages, gradually detaching from the physical world,” he explained. Nine months before he passed, he told a mutual friend of ours that he wanted to die of a stroke before his seventieth birthday––which is exactly what happened. He picked the moment and method for his departure, not through suicide, but through intention.

Why, then, would anyone choose a painful or gruesome death? When I asked Ron this question, he replied that some souls accept terminal illnesses, such as cancer, to give doctors a chance to study the disease and learn ways to help other people. In some instances, souls decide that their host bodies will die in traumatic ways in order to raise awareness of a situation or to inspire interest in a particular cause. This may be true of warrior souls who die in battle. Undoubtedly, numerous other reasons exist, perhaps as many as the individuals involved.

If it’s any comfort, Dr. Newton writes in Destiny of Souls that “souls often leave their bodies seconds before a violent death.” And if we really do reincarnate on earth many, many times, then we’ve all gone through numerous deaths––and survived.

Soul Groups

After my long-time partner, Ron Conroy, left his physical form in April 2013, he began communicating with me about the place where he now resides, a place he calls “home,” and showing me what it’s like in the spirit world. What he described, and what I witnessed, closely matched what I later read in books by Michael Newton, PhD. Even the use of Ron's word “home” to describe the spirit realm we return to after physical death is echoed in the accounts of people who’ve undergone near death experiences, shown in a video module of Dr. Piero Calvi-Parisetti’s course Love Knows No Death.

Primary and Secondary Soul Groups

In the realm of spirits, entities cluster together in groups in which some affinity exists––just as people on earth do. Not all souls associate with all others––though they could if they wanted to because ultimately none of us is an island separate from the rest. But souls in the spirit world, as we earthlings do, tend to hang out with beings who have similar interests or purposes.

In his book Destiny of Souls, Dr. Newton writes that “primary groups”––somewhat like families––consist of three to twenty-five souls who have close ties to each other. “Secondary groups” may contain 1,000 souls or more and resemble communities. The souls in these larger clusters may interact for various reasons, such as joining forces to assist in a particular project or to achieve a common goal.

Souls in primary clusters are bonded forever. They work, learn, and play together in the spirit world, and often reincarnate together on earth or in other places. They do this partly because their paths and purposes are aligned, but also because they just want to be together. According to Dr. Newton, soul mates and beings from the same primary soul group don’t usually incarnate as humans within the same biological family, however, which I found interesting.

Ron explained that primary soul groups may be self-contained circles, or they can overlap, like the intersecting rings of the Olympics logo. He said this means that although he and I are in the same primary soul cluster, some beings in other clusters overlap ours. As a result, some souls who are in my primary group aren’t in his, and vice versa.  

As well as sharing related interests and purposes, beings within a primary group usually possess similar levels of knowledge. Beginner souls and master souls don’t cluster together in the same intimate group––although souls with varying degrees of knowledge may interact at times for certain reasons. I also got the impression that as one soul in the group advances, the soul’s increased knowledge and experience aid the advancement of the entire group.

While looking at pictures of crop circles, I noticed a similarity to the soul clusters I’d seen in the spirit world and began to wonder. Are these mysterious designs, which appear without explanation in fields across the earth, actually images created to help us understand something about our existence as spirits?

Meeting Our Soul-Group Mates

Often we recognize people we know now as people we’ve known before. Individuals who undergo past-life regression frequently describe meeting the same souls in lifetime after lifetime. A son in this incarnation may have been a husband or a brother in a previous one. Many writers and researchers in the field of reincarnation have talked about this, and I’ll discuss it more in future posts.

Think about the people you know and have known during this incarnation. These may be friends, relatives, business colleagues, powerful influences in your life, teachers, helpers, or adversaries. Which ones do you consider the most important? What roles have they played for you? Did you feel a powerful connection to these people when you first met, as if you’d known each other forever? Does a person push your buttons? Did you meet under synchronistic circumstances? For example, I met Ron fifteen minutes after saying goodbye to a former boyfriend at the local train station. Driving home, I said “Okay, Goddess, what do you have for me now?” As I pulled into my driveway Ron rode by on his bicycle. He turned around, pedaled up to me, and introduced himself. We were together for the rest of his physical life––and still are.

Are you aware of people in your current life whom you feel you’ve known before? What insights or experiences have led you to think this way? How do you interpret your present-life interactions with these people? Can you see links between “then” and “now”? What are you learning from each other? Are you carrying on work from another lifetime? How can you help one another this time around?

Will You See Your Loved Ones Again?

The idea that some part of us survives physical death exists in many religions and in the belief systems of many people around the world. Christians, for instance, propose that after the body dies the soul goes to “heaven,” where it meets up again with the souls of loved ones and enjoys everlasting life with God. Lots of spiritual traditions embrace the concept of reincarnation, although they don’t all agree on exactly what’s involved. Prior to the year 325, the Old and New Testaments of the Bible contained references to reincarnation––until the Emperor Constantine decided to remove them; in 553, the Second Council of Constantinople made it heretical for Christians to believe in reincarnation. Reincarnation is also part of the teachings of the Hebrew Qabalah, though contemporary Jews may not be familiar with these ideas. We find the tenets of reincarnation in Hinduism and Buddhism too.

Reincarnation Research

Researchers, including Ian Stevenson, MD, Brian L. Weiss, MD, Michael Newton, PhD, Raymond Moody, MD, and many more, have studied reincarnation by guiding thousands of people back through previous lifetimes and by working with men and women who’ve had near-death experiences. Their case studies reveal remarkable information about other time periods and people the subjects could not have known about through ordinary channels. The case of Bridey Murphy, a Virginia housewife (1923–1995), is one of the best known. Director Bernardo Bertolucci’s film Little Buddha tells the story of a young boy whom Buddhist monks believed to be the reincarnated teacher Lama Dorje. You’ll find scores of compelling stories in the books of serious researchers, stories that cannot be explained by conventional science––so many, in fact, that after a while it becomes more ridiculous to deny the possibility of reincarnation than to accept it.

Children often speak of their past lives. Sometimes they recognize people they’ve never met this time around and know intimate details about those people. In the summer of 2013, I met a three-year-old boy who took an instant liking to me and showed me around the house where he was staying. He told me his name was Will. After we finished the tour, I met the boy’s parents and commented on what a nice boy Will seemed. They told me his name was Sami. Later, I asked the boy why he’d said his name was Will. He answered simply, “In my old body I was Will.”

Past, Present, and Future Relationships

Theories about reincarnation generally agree that we reconnect with some of the same souls again and again in our various earth lives. We don’t always assume the same types of relationships with them, however. In prior lifetimes, your current spouse may have been your mother, your brother, or your best friend. (In future posts, I’ll discuss this subject in more detail.) In his book Many Lives, Many Masters, Dr. Brian Weiss explains that one reason for becoming human is to experience relationships with other people. He writes, “ ‘You develop through relationships.’ ” Often, we choose to live many times with the same entities in order to learn certain things or to perform certain tasks. Other times, we may return to earth at the same time because we like being together. If you find yourself in a particularly close, intense, or meaningful relationship with someone now, chances are you’ve known each other before––and will be together again. 

Where Do We Go When We Die?

Christians have their Heaven; Buddhists speak of Nirvana; Wiccans go to the Summerland when their earthly lives end. Many people who’ve had near-death experiences (NDEs) report being drawn through a dark tunnel toward a radiant light, emerging in a place where they feel suffused with love and joy. Their deceased friends and relatives, they say, greet them when they arrive in the hereafter, welcoming them back to their place of origin. Spirit guides also show up to usher the recently departed souls into a place of peace after their sojourns on earth. Virtually everyone who’s ever undergone a NDE or been regressed/hypnotized through a prior death describes pretty much the same thing––and what they describe sounds wonderful.

Going Home

Soon after my long-time partner, Ron Conroy, left his physical form in April of 2013, he began telling me about his experiences in the “world beyond.” He calls this place “home” because it’s the energetic realm where souls originate and where they return between lifetimes on earth (or other worlds, which I’ll discuss in future posts). Here, everything is made of light and resonance––nothing is physical. No longer encumbered by dense human bodies, souls feel a delicious sense of freedom. They can move about without restriction, communicate with one another via thoughts, and create whatever they choose instantaneously just by envisioning it.

A beautiful web of pink light envelops all beings here and holds them together in a cosmic “hug.” This light of love unifies everyone through resonance, and reassures souls that no one is ever alone––we only experience fear and loneliness when we are separated into physical forms. In reality, we are all part of an infinite, loving, joyful network that has always existed and always will. When we realize that we all come from the same Source and are all linked energetically––that every being is part of the whole––racism, sexism, religious disputes, and other ego dynamics that divide us on earth quickly disappear after our bodies die.

Cosmic Consciousness

In the late 1980s, I experienced a metaphysical occurrence that Canadian psychiatrist William Bucke called “cosmic consciousness.” Without intention, without doing anything at all to bring it about, I suddenly and inexplicably slipped into an altered state during which I felt myself dissolve into a realm of pure bliss. I lost all awareness of my body and merged with a beautiful, all-encompassing, infinite pink-white light. Everything in my earth-world disappeared. I felt totally immersed in a loving consciousness unlike anything I’d ever experienced before. All suffering, fear, time, and thinking evaporated. I have no idea how long that event lasted. Seconds? A few minutes? But it was enough to transform my understanding forever.

Much later, after Ron’s passing, I realized that in those few moments I’d reconnected with my place of origin, my “home.” This is where we go when we slough off our moral forms and soar back to the realm of love and light from which we emerged and where we will ever abide. This is the home that awaits us when we depart earth.

You Are Eternal

Knowing that this wondrous world now embraces our deceased loved ones can ease the pain of loss. But perhaps even more importantly, this knowledge can lessen our own fear of death. Regardless of what we’ve been taught about the hereafter––and many of us have been taught to fear retribution and suffering, hellfire and damnation––our real destination is a realm of infinite love and peace.

It makes no difference what “savior” you believed in, what faith you followed (or none), or what rituals you’ve enacted. No one gets turned away from the so-called Pearly Gates. The people we loved on earth who’ve gone on before us are reveling in that blissful state right now––and they’ll be there to welcome us back when our time comes. So will our guides and guardians, who’ve been with us since the beginning of time and will remain by our sides, watching over us forever.

You are eternal, and so is everyone else now on earth. Your soul, your spirit form, the essence of who you are and will ever be, is indestructible. As author C. S. Lewis so succinctly explained it, “You don’t have a soul. You are a soul. You have a body.”

Welcome to My New Blog about the Afterlife

On April 4, 2013, my life fell apart after the sudden, unexpected passing of the man I’d loved for thirteen years, Ron Conroy. I know many of you have experienced the same sort of devastating upheaval when someone you loved left the physical realm. However, in the midst of my grief, I received an unanticipated gift: the opportunity to explore the world beyond. It is my privilege and intent to share these experiences with you, and to provide a place for you to share your experiences with others.

Every day since Ron left this plane of existence, he has communicated with me from the so-called "Other Side," which he refers to simply as "home." (Those of you who knew him may find this odd, because he was hardly a spiritual or “woo-woo” person while on earth.) What he told me and showed me totally transformed my ideas about what happens after we leave Planet Earth––and prompted me to read books by numerous researchers in the field. To my surprise, many things I read concurred with what Ron had shared with me. I'd never heard most of this before, but just knowing that other people had similar experiences gave me comfort and confirmation.

All You Need Is Love 

All of us have wondered what happens when we die and why we came to earth in the first place. In the past three years, I've received answers to those and other big questions. Some of the answers surprised me. For instance, I’d always believed we incarnated on this planet to learn––and that’s true, but it’s not the primary reason. Even more important is the desire to bring love into a world filled with hardship. 

In our true "home" love is omnipresent. We carry some of that amazing love with us, in the form of energy, when we assume physical bodies here on earth. Our job is to radiate that love to everyone, everywhere, in everything we do. In this way, we overcome the force of fear that dominates earth-thinking and expresses itself in so many hurtful ways. Only two forces exist in the universe: love and fear. Each moment, we have the choice to operate from a place of love or a place of fear. It's that simple––and that difficult.

As I write on this blog, my objective is to lighten your fear and sadness. If I can do this in even the smallest way, I will feel I've accomplished my goal. The old Beatles' song says it best: "All You Need Is Love."

The Three Wounds of Wisdom: The Book

I’m a writer, and I’ve authored nearly forty books thus far, many about metaphysical subjects. So, naturally, I decided the best way I could share the insights conveyed to me was to write a book about what I'd learned. I titled it The Three Wounds of Wisdom. At first I considered writing a nonfiction book or a memoir, but many people have already done that, most of them MDs, PhDs, and folks with more "credentials" than I have. I also believe that sometimes it's easier to present unusual or thought-provoking ideas as fiction, so readers don't feel the author is trying to convince them of something. In my novel, I changed the characters, the storyline, the location, and lots more––but all the information about what transpires between our lives on earth and elsewhere came through to me during meditative trances, shamanic journeying, and other experiences with Ron since he's moved on. My wonderful agent, Paula Munier, is talking with publishers about the book now; I hope it will find a good home and be available to readers soon.

My goal is to help those of you who've suffered the pain of losing someone you love and to give you hope. I also want to open a forum for people who've communicated with departed loved ones, had near-death experiences, recalled past-lives, witnessed ghostly visitations, and other related awarenesses. Please feel free to comment here, and to suggest resources you think will be useful to readers.